C'mon DJ Play That Song

I've been to many events where a DJ was providing the entertainment for the night: wedding receptions, class reunions, etc. Some were better than others, but every once in awhile you get one that's really, really bad. They just don't get it. The art of DJing has passed them at warp speed.

I feel the job of a DJ is pretty simple: have an awesome sound system, throw in some lights and a disco ball and play great music. Hit me up with some mellow, slow stuff while I'm eating dinner, but pick up the beat when it's time to dance. And throw some slow ones in for the couples. There are plenty of good tunes to choose from since, oh, I don't know, the 1950s! So it shouldn't be that hard to pick them out and play them.

A recent event I attended had the worst speakers I have ever heard in my life. They were hollow with no bass. They sounded like the speakers that came with your first car before you shelled out money for good ones. So I was skeptical of this DJ from the get-go.

Dinner music wasn't too bad, but I think at some point he just quit playing anything. But when it came time to dance, this guy had no clue. He kept playing these stupid novelty country songs that nobody was dancing to. Now I'll be the first to admit I love country music. New stuff, old stuff, I'm a fan. But I hardly ever dance to it. Maybe "The Devil Went Down to Georgia". But definitely not songs like "Viva Viagra"! I was really disappointed because by that time I had several drinks in me and was seriously considering getting out on the dance floor.

Just give me some John Mellencamp, Billy Idol, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Van Morrison, AC/DC, Bob Seger. Please. He eventually played "You Shook Me All Night Long" and "Old Time Rock & Roll" but they were few and far between all those other crappy songs. There was absolutely no momentum and nothing to keep people out there shaking their groove thing. Hell, give me some 70s. "Brick House" and "Superfreak". Anything!

I know people make fun of stereotypical wedding songs like "YMCA", "Love Shack" and "Celebration". But if you had been in my shoes, you would have been begging for those clichés at that point. That was another thing. I saw several people go up and ask him to play a song, and he'd just ignore them. He'd sit back in his chair, eating his big, fat plate of food and play whatever he felt like playing.

Dude, when you see people sitting down in their chairs, song after song after song after song, it's not working. You're not entertaining us. You're not doing your job.

If I wanted to work weekends and lug a bunch of equipment around, I'd be a DJ and show these idiots how it's done. I compare it to singing a slow song at a karaoke bar: people are out for the night, having a good time, getting their drink on. They want to go back and relive their glory days. No one wants to hear you sing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline and kill their buzz. Sing something that rocks. Sing something everyone knows and wants to hear. Sing something awesome. Do not sing Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" and expect anyone to pay attention.

Alright, I'm jumping off this soapbox and working up my next blog: why I stopped working out with the Wii ;)