A Wii Bit of Guilt

I began wanting a Wii after visiting a friend who had Wii Fit. The games were fun and you got a workout on top of it. I started watching the ads and after several months bought a system when there was a gift card perk. We bowled and played tennis for awhile. I bought Just Dance, also after playing it at another friend's house, and later Just Dance 2. Darts soon entered the picture. I purchased the balance board and got into boxing and yoga. I even started weighing the family every week. But after awhile, as all novelties do, interest faded. And I haven't played anything in many, many moons.

I keep talking about getting back into all the games, especially for fitness purposes, but I haven't done much about it. Until last night. Pmo and I had dinner at the Fiddler Fest, then came home to drink wine and listen to music. I specifically requested record playing. After sitting in a chair for a bit, sipping my red Roberston King, trying not to fade like I often do on a Friday night, I knew I had to move or else it would be lights out soon. So I asked Pmo, "You wanna bowl?"

It took awhile to set up the Wii again because batteries had to be changed, the sensor bar had to be picked up from behind the TV and the remotes had to be reconnected. But once we got going, it was fun! I even stayed in my "go out" clothes for awhile and stayed in my shoes. Like I was at a real bowling alley. We moved on to darts later. I finished the night by playing some ski ball and hoops. The biggest advantage was it kept me up past 11pm!

So now that the ice has been broken, I hope I truly will get back into the Wii as the colder months approach. I find it hard to justify playing video games when it's 80 degrees and sunny. I think that's part of my constant battle of "what *should* I be doing right now?" Read a book or clean the bathroom? Surf the internet or take Jack for a walk? Cook a meal or do laundry? Watch a movie or sort through papers? Write a blog or flip through a magazine? Not to mention work, sleep, groceries, etc.

There are only so many hours in the day. Boredom is obviously not even an option with all of those things I just mentioned. However, as always, I expect time and energy to work against me. Just need to remember last night's fun!

Circle of Friends

I don’t make friends easily. It’s not that I’m a hermit or no one likes me. Though I doubt I’ll ever win Miss Congeniality. But I’m not social. I’m horrible at small talk and meeting new people. I don’t mingle. Which is why I’ve met all of my friends through circumstance. Having to be in the same place for a certain amount of time and getting to know them. Not because I met them at a party once and exchanged phone numbers to get together again.

My circle of friends starts near Terre Haute. My best friend from home lives there with her husband and two children. About 20 years ago, we started hanging out in junior high because we were in the same classes and our families were close. She’s been there from virtually the beginning and probably knows me better than anyone ever could. Luckily, we don’t live too far apart and I see her a few times a year. Most recently at our high school reunion, and some shenanigans before and after.

Next stop is Indy where my sorority BFF lives with her husband and two children. We actually met in high school because she lived in a neighboring county and worked with one of my friends. But I didn’t really get to know her until senior year when we roomed together at college. We visit about twice a year during our “summits” where a small group of sisters get together at someone’s house for the weekend. And occasionally, we see each other in between if one of us happens to be in town. Her sister lives here, so that’s a bonus.

Head over to Louisville and you’ll find another one of my college besties along with her husband and two children. You see a pattern here? I met her freshman year when I went out for track. She was a sophomore and the only girl thrower who wasn’t exactly thrilled about me invading her turf. But that quickly changed when we spent some time together outside of practice. Let’s just say she and the boys introduced me to a side of college life I hadn’t seen before. And I’ve pretty much been enjoying it ever since. A group of us try to get together at least once a year, but I don’t see any of them as often as I should.

Further south, you’ll meet a single girl in Nashville who’s like a sister to me. I was married to her brother for a short time, so I guess I’ve known her for almost ten years now. We got acquainted during holidays, family gatherings and other events. She’s always been my counselor. Her ability to listen and give advice is quite unique. I can talk to her about all kinds of things: relationships, religion, careers, you name it. We try to meet up for lunch and/or shopping a few times a year. Though as I write this, I realize I haven’t seen her in a long time and I’ve had a note to call and catch up with her on my to-do list for several weeks now.

The circle ends with Evansville and my work friends. These are the people I see on a regular basis and who are most up to date with my life. Although with Facebook and this blog, pretty much anyone knows what’s going on with me. We often go out with 2 of my friends and their husbands for dinner and usually karaoke. In fact, that’s what we’re doing tonight. Each couple has a child so it all depends on getting babysitters. But it usually works out about once a month. I have other friends from when I used to work evenings that I don’t see much anymore. Sometimes breakfast plans can remedy that.

After writing this, it’s apparent I have plenty of friends. I just wonder if I’m settling for what’s in front of me instead of breaking out of my comfort zone. Am I being content with the people who have walked into my life instead of getting out there and meeting others? Should I open up the circle?

Then I realize I *do* make an effort. I work to keep the friends I have. It’s hard to stay in touch with people, even if they live in the same area, but especially if they’re out of town. I think I do a pretty good job of sending emails or getting on Facebook to check in, even make plans.

I’m not so good at picking up the phone. Unless it’s for texting. Digital correspondence is somehow way easier than calling. I still send cards in the mail for baby and bridal showers or weddings I can’t attend. But writing a letter? That’s a lost cause. No friend, old or new, wants to try to read my handwriting.

Ambi-Kid

I’d have to say I’m pretty ambivalent when it comes to most things. Perhaps this is why a career in news suits me because I can see both sides of the story. But I even fell into that because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life.

I don’t have any real political views. You probably won’t ever see me marching on Washington or protesting property taxes. I don’t have any stance on immigration or gun control. I’m not really pro-choice or pro-life. Though the older I get, I tend to lean pro-life even though I think women should have the right to choose. See? Can’t make up my mind.

The subject I’m most ambivalent about right now is whether to have children. I think many people believe I’m anti-kid. Which is not true. I love kids. I love my cousins’ kids. My friends’ kids. I’m “friends with toddlers” as one of my girlfriends puts it. I’ve just never had a maternal urge or felt I had to do something about that biological clock.

I always assumed I would get married and have children. But there was never a real plan for that, much like my career. College was definitely a goal, even had my sights set on a master’s degree in…something. But by the time I got to that 4th year of higher learning, I’d had enough of school. Marriage happened, so did divorce. Then marriage again. But the kids thing has somehow always been put on the back burner.

I’m about to turn 33. So the baby vibe is all around me. Friends, family, neighbors…seems like everyone is procreating. I’m not saying there’s peer pressure or anything, but there must be something in the water, you know? Still, I’m not sure it’s for me.

On one hand, having a baby would change my life forever…
On the other hand, having a baby would change my life forever!

See, for the first time (in a long time) I’m pretty content. I’ve got a good job and a great relationship. I still see my friends from high school and college. I travel. I stay pretty busy. And who knows what is on the horizon? I’m perfectly happy sans kids. But I don’t want to have any regrets. I don’t want to look back and see I missed out on such a special experience. And, in essence, a contribution to the world. A legacy. Something we would always share.

Since neither one of us feels strongly on the subject, we don’t have a real problem. It would be an issue if I was the wife who *had* to have children and would go to great lengths to do so, and my husband was totally against it. But that's not the case. I also would rather be happy with the love of my life and not have kids, then settle for my second choice and have a family.

I guess what it boils down to is I’m afraid of rocking the boat. I fear what having a baby would do to our relationship. Our free time. My body. My mental state. ‘Cause there’s no going back. It’s not like adopting a puppy that pees on the carpet and you send it back to the pound. Though I probably wouldn’t do that to a dog. Plus, let's face it: we’re not getting any younger. So a decision must be made.

I’ll have to keep wrestling with it until something or someone persuades me one way or the other. But obviously I'm not easily persuaded. I would pray about it, but I’m not very religious either. I just wish for once I had a strong opinion. Maybe I do. I just don’t want to accept it yet.