Birds, Stars, Flowers and Godwinks

I just finished this book called "Godwink Stories: A Devotional" which I discovered on The Today Show. Okay, it was the Kathie Lee and Hoda hour. Sometimes I like to dip in, just to see what they're blathering about. Don't judge me.

The book is one of several by SQuire Rushnell. That's not a typo. The "S" and "Q" are both capitalized. Anyway, here's his definition: "A Godwink is what some people would call a coincidence, an answered prayer, or simply an experience so astonishing that it could only have come from God." Some examples: finding an inspirational letter (when you're feeling blue) in a parking lot that was meant for someone else but has your name on it, or two brothers who used to be dressed alike as kids and haven't spoken in years show up wearing the same thing at a family reunion. SQuire also calls it "divine alignment".

I'm not very religious. I don't think I'm gullible. And I'm not sure what I believe in. But I like to read about faith, God and spirituality every once in awhile. I also enjoy conversations, but I'll only talk with certain people. I don't want to be preached to, pushed upon or barked at. And I can tell who's authentic and who's putting on airs.

As I was coming to the end of this book yesterday and about to go to sleep, I think God may have had something in his eye.

First, I heard one bird, chirping, outside my window. A sound I am accustomed to in the summer but haven't heard in months. Because it's January. And flipping cold. I listened for a bit then got up, looked outside and by then a whole flock had gathered in a tree. Then a group of geese flew overhead, squawking.

Next, while I watched the birds, out of the blue, my iPhone started playing music from its dock on the nightstand. "Stars" by Grace Potter. I hadn't set my alarm for 2:00 p.m. or whatever time it was. So I started to freak out.

Then, the doorbell rang. A box of flowers was delivered from one of my friends.

This all happened within a matter of minutes. One after the other. I was just blown away. I'm usually asleep at that time anyway. Or at least I should be. But I was so close to finishing that book...

I realized later that I must have hit the "nap" function on the dock when I was trying to clumsily put the phone on it from my bed, and that would explain the music going off. The flowers are easy to explain. I was expecting something (didn't know what or when) from my friend because she had asked me for my address. And the birds, well, I guess they're not totally unheard of in January.

But all of those things converging at once? In rapid succession?

I was so taken aback I decided to look up some Bible verses on birds, stars and flowers. Just for fun.
Here's what I found.

Psalm 11:1 - "In the Lord I put my trust; How can you say to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain?"

Genesis 1:16 - "Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day; and the lesser to rule the night. He made the stars also."

Song of Solomon 2:12 - "The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing has come, And the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land."

Take what you will from it. I won't try to interpret the verses, though the flowers did "appear" on my porch and the birds were sort of singing. I just thought it was interesting enough to share. Now I'm going to start a new book. And get some shuteye.

Get it?
Shuteye?
Wink?
;)

This Time

A week ago, I spent the better part of Sunday in the ICU waiting room because my grandma had been admitted the night before. I had visited her in the hospital several times over the years. But this time was different. She hadn't been doing well for awhile. She'd been fighting bedsores and all but given up any activity besides moving from the chair to the bed and vice versa.

My family had been called in very early that morning, so they were there for some time before I learned about the situation and arrived. The prognosis was grim and we were given "the options". We parted ways that afternoon, but they were called in again very early the next morning. And I left work early to join them this time.

The decision was made on Monday to let her go. We waited until my aunt and cousin made it over then went back to her room. They closed the curtain, took her off the ventilator, then let us back in to watch the other machines eventually tell us she was gone. I held my mom's hand and cried. Grandma's breathing continued for awhile, then slowed, then came to a stop. The lines on the screen went flat. The numbers dropped to 0.

I wasn't there when Grandpa died. I was 20, in Terre Haute, with my best friend, partying like it was 1999. 'Cause it was. This time, I was 34, with a front row seat. It was weird, it was emotional, I didn't want to do it, but I knew I had to do it. There are two things I'll remember vividly. Walking in that room at 5:30 in the morning, looking at Mom with tears in her eyes saying, "I think this is it." And walking out of that room after Grandma had passed and looking back to see Mom patting her leg and saying "Love ya, Mom."

The visitation was almost overwhelming. When you move away from home, you don't fully understand the scope of what it means to have spent 87 years in the same place, with the same people, and all of those faces coming out of the woodwork to pay their respects when the time comes. And I thought I had done all of my crying until I heard them play Alan Jackson gospel music at the funeral. He was her favorite singer.

Things like this make you face your own mortality. But it's making me face other mortalities. My parents. My husband. I don't want to bury them. I will most likely have to unless I go first. It also makes me question my life choices. Where I live, my lack of reproduction, what I've done (or not done) with my life. I can't get too wrapped up in that, though. Everyone does the best they can, right? You gotta do what you gotta do.  Focus on the good. Deal with the bad. Cherish the memories. Life goes on.

Rest in peace, Grandma.

Behind

I'm behind on my blogging.
I'm behind on my reading.

I'm behind on exercise, eating right, housework, Bug snuggling, Jack frolicking, Pmo time, yard work, vacation planning, coupon clipping, cooking, baking, crafting, scrapbooking, organizing, home improvement, vitamin taking, flossing...
you name it, I'm not where I want to be with it.

But it's not like I've been doing nothing for the past month.
Christmas sucks the life out of me.
I have a feeling January is going to be pretty boring.

How does one do it all?
How does one do all of this with kids?
How does one do all of this with work, and kids, and in-laws, and cooking, and hosting...

I'm exhausted and I haven't done half of that.

I'm also emotionally exhausted as I'm sure many of us are.
As a member of "the media" (if I hear that one more time...)
I have been inundated with the Connecticut school massacre and access to hundreds of stories that I choose not to drown myself in.
I'm actually pretty numb to shootings, even mass shootings.
But Connecticut was different.
Aurora was different.

There's innocence, and then there's selfishness.
I'm sorry you have mental problems.
I'm sorry you feel like you need to kill yourself in order to solve those problems.
But taking others with you, I just don't understand.

People that have nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with your issues.

Gone.

If I was a parent of one of those children, you couldn't tell me anything to help me understand.
God's plan, he/she's in heaven now, things happen for a reason, free will, evil in this world.

No.
Save it.

But I guess you have to believe in something to get you through it, or else the grief will consume you, the tables turn, and you may feel compelled to do something rash, unimaginable and tragic.

Whatever the answer is, I hope we find it. And those 20 little lives were not lost in vain.

Do something. Please.
We can't fall any further behind.

You Give Love A Bad Name (And I Want To Punch You In The Face)

Disclaimer: I will most likely buy tickets to a Bon Jovi concert for my mom in the near future as a Christmas present (again) so PLEASE do not mention this blog post to her in any fashion. I just couldn't let this go. There is also some profanity. In case you don't like that. Or don't know me. At all.

I was reading comments on the KFC Yum! Center's Facebook page about Bon Jovi coming to Louisville, because I KNEW there would be some crappy a** remark about something or other. And I like to torture myself, apparently. So, of course, I found one.

This guy says, and I quote, "Great, let's just invite springstein too and have all the washed up musicians who got the vote for obama."

First of all, SPRINGSTEEN IS A LEGEND and anything but washed up. I feel extremely fortunate to have seen him in concert, and although I would have preferred some different song choices, he's "the boss". Seriously. Are you kidding me? THE BOSS.

Second, JON BON JOVI IS A GOD. The whole band rocks and is still together after all of these years. That's stamina. That's classic. That's epic. You don't insult that and you certainly don't eff with it. Washed up? Really? So that's why he/they keep making albums and selling out stadiums, huh? A GOD.

And third, OBAMA WON, ROMNEY LOST. Yes, Springsteen stumped for Obama, but I could care less. Bon Jovi may have, too, I don't know. I'm so sick of this crap. Why do these people have to turn everything into an effing political fight? GET THE F*** OVER IT.

I don't pin all of my hopes and dreams on politicians.
So I'm not devastated, bitter or lost without any sense of direction when they lose.
I also don't blame other people or the government for my problems.
I prefer to be a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kind of girl.

I believe what I believe.
You believe what you believe.
Agree to disagree.
Whatever.

But when you take something sacred, like a concert, by one of my favorite groups, in the world, of all time, and turn it into some pissing match about liberals vs conservatives, I take serious effing issue.

Most people would say the best thing to do is ignore people like that.
Don't buy into the argument, don't fuel their fire.

But then they get away with it.

And I HATE when people get away with things like that, just because you're supposed to "take the high road" or "be the better person". In the meantime, they get to say whatever the hell they want without repercussions, responsibility or even accountability.

Fine.
I'll ignore it and let it go.
After I post this blog, of course.

But WWBJD?
(What Would Bon Jovi Do?)

Hmmm, I know.

♫ When the world gets in my face, I say, HAVE A NICE DAY! ♫

Ah, all better now.

An Open Letter to Mass Murderers and Perverts

This is not a joke about Hostess. 
I'm not running out and buying up the last supply at Schnucks.
I've had "Cloud Cakes" and knockoff Ding Dongs.
I think we'll all be just fine.

This is not a rant about the election.
Obama won.
Other people you may not have voted for won.
Life goes on.
Get over it.
Focus on the future.
Quit wallowing.
Suck it up.

This is a fedup, can't-stand-it, so-tired-of-this-crap, what-kind-of-a-country-am-I-living-in, realization.

But let me say this first: I read many, many, many, many stories about domestic violence, drug deals gone bad, junkie arrests, etc., where people end up dead or severely altered for the rest of their lives. I'm pretty numb to it all by this point. But at least, in these situations, I get it. There is a relationship involved between a husband and wife, druggies run in the same circles, etc. There's some sort of understanding of what happened and why. Not a justification. But an understanding. And even with the methheads or other drug addicts, in general, they're only hurting themselves, if you don't count what they do to their family and friends psychologically.

What I don't get it is these mass shootings/plans for mass shootings and child molestors/child pornographers/people who possess child pornography. These people are the most sick, twisted, selfish, delusional people in the world. They take innocent, precious lives and either end them or ruin them for eternity.

If you have homicidal thoughts, seek treatment. We have plenty of services out there designed for this kind of thing. All kinds of people with bleeding hearts who want to touch your soul and get down to the bottom of what causes you to think like that. I am not one of those people. But they're out there, trust me.

If you have sexual thoughts about someone who is not a consenting adult, seek treatment and read above. Yes, I know. Most likely, these people were also sexually abused and they don't know any better than to perpetuate the cycle, blah blah blah. But if you realize that, can't you also realize that it is wrong? That it made you feel awful and now you're passing that on that trauma to an INNOCENT HUMAN BEING???

I think these things are more important to address right now than whether a business is required to pay for its female employees' birth control. Or allowing illegal immigrants to live in this country. Or where in the hell Obama was born.

I don't have the answers. Well, I do. But they're not well thought out or even legal. But someone's got to have the solution, right? We have some really smart people in this country. It's America! Can't we come up with something? Are we allowed to screen people for perversion and homicidal tendencies at an early age? Like a standardized test? Something that would show "the warning signs"? Then we could nip it in the bud early. We have all kinds of other requirements/policies/restrictions/laws to be able to live and work in this society. Or, wait, I'm sorry, is that a violation of civil rights?

Because I tell you what: the victims of mass shootings and sexual abuse have rights, too.
Or at least they did before this crap happened to them.

They have a right to go about their business.
They have a right not to be bothered.
They have a right to feel safe.
They have a right to live.

And I have a right to say something about it.

The Desk

I'm writing to you from my new desk at home.

Big deal, right? I sit at a desk at work all day and I never wrote a blog about it. But this is different.

This is like the time I bought my first computer because I wanted to be Carrie Bradshaw. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that before, but bear with me, I have a point. It's like the time I bought my Kindle because I wanted to read more. Both motives worked, by the way. I have a lengthy journal from those first few years of laptop ownership. Most likely because I didn't have the internet and all I could really do was write on the thing. And my Kindle has done wonders for my reading habits. I hate to put the thing down. In fact, I've bought "real" books in the meantime but I always return to the gadget.

This time, I bought a new desk because I want to blog more. My laptop and I are always in the recliner and I really don't write as much because of it. So I tell myself. Sometimes we (the laptop and I) migrate to the couch, but there are little fairies that live between the cushions who induce sleep. That's not good for productivity. The point is, at home I rarely sit at a table or desk while on the computer. I surf the internet in my chair. I pay bills in my chair. I watch funny videos in my chair. Why? It's comfortable and I can watch TV at the same time. And when I say "watch TV" I mean spend at least ten minutes trying to find something decent and virtually ignore it while I'm on the computer.

Let me back up a bit. I was not deskless. When we moved here, Pmo had no desk. So I let him use mine. He seemed to really want one and I just stacked stuff on it anyway. Several months ago, maybe even a year, Pmo decided to bring his desk up from his dad's house. At this point, we had two desks. So I rearranged the dog room/guest room/my room to house my desk again. But I pretty much went back to using it as counter space. You see, my former desk is odd for my needs. It has a built in shelf where you are supposed to sit. I'm guessing for a traditional desktop computer, this would be great. Monitor on top, keyboard below. Other stuff to the side. But you need a flat, open surface for a laptop. And where that flat surface is, there's a drawer and shelf underneath. Therefore, I can't really sit at it and work on the laptop. It's a bit backwards.

When I got it into my head that I "needed" a new desk (and I do that from time to time with certain things) we looked at a few consignment stores, Goodwill, etc., because I was hoping to find some secondhand awesomeness. But that didn't happen. And since I wasn't in any big hurry, I thought maybe we'd happen upon something some day or I would just forget about it. Then I saw a corner desk/small bookcase combo in the Target ad over the weekend and that was it. I was on the hunt again. Except when I got to the store, I decided the desk wasn't big enough even if I put the printer on top of the bookcase. So I came home with a traditional desk with drawers on the side but the entire surface is flat. No shelf. I didn't spend too much on it either, which is a plus. Pmo put it together for me. Now here I am.

Will it motivate me to blog more? Who knows? But I'm doing it now. Did a Y membership turn me into an avid exerciser? No. Does eating right for a day or two transform me into a health nut? Not hardly. All I can do is try. I talk myself into these things and see how far they take me. I'm pretty content with the new desk so far. It's a dark, espresso color so it doesn't match the oak furniture that's in this room, but that's okay. Now I just have to go through all of the papers and files I used to stack on top of the old desk and organize them. That was also part of the motive: to get organized back here. Like I need a reason to do that. I can't function unless my to-do lists have their own to-do lists.  

Summing Up Summer

I have many blog ideas on my to do list. Several, in fact. Although it appears I can't put my money where my mouth is because I haven't blogged in 3 months! But this blog will not focus on any of those ideas. I'll simply catch you up.

I think it's safe to say I've been busy this summer, but I really haven't been *that* tied up that I couldn't have blogged. I think part of the problem is I don't typicaly just sit down and start writing. There's some prep work involved, some time set aside. In the end, I just do something else.

My Kindle is getting a workout though. I've read several books on it, including the entire Fifty Shades of Grey series. I'm currently working on The Hunger Games and my weekly editions of Newsweek and Time. That, in itself, is a major time suck. But I'm glad I'm doing it. I've had such an aversion to reading for so long. The Kindle has really helped me get into it again. I've also been buying books here and there at flea markets and bookstores. However, they're not as convenient as the Kindle and kind of stacking up around here. Unread.

And then there's Bug. He continues to have various ailments that creep up which often stop me in my tracks and require a change in plans. Like a trip to the vet instead of a load of laundry. Nowadays, I stop by there anyway on a biweekly basis to pick up food and/or medication. If you're keeping track of Bug's health, he's 11 years old (12 in February) with arthritis, diabetes, cataracts (he's pretty much blind) and peridontal disease. His latest bout was a bleeding mouth. I'm talking pools of blood appearing in his cage. Doc put him on antibiotics and he's doing much better. Although lately he's been uber hungry. Sigh.

Labor Day weekend is upon us. Pmo and I are heading out for Cincy tomorrow to see KISS and Motley Crue. We're going to make our way back home through southern Indiana the next few days and do some shopping and visit our favorite wineries. There's also more concert excitement ahead in November: Ron White, Bruce Springsteen and Journey/Pat Benetar/Loverboy. Plus we're planning another trip to the Georgia cabin in October as well as some time off for the holidays. The NFL has started back up again and fall is just around the corner. I can't wait.

Work has kept me busy, too. As usual. I've had several meetings and workshops added to the mix lately along with the daily grind of producing the morning newscast. It's safe to say I'm pretty happy to have the next 4 days off.

We've made use of our toys this summer. Not a whole lot because it was painfully hot for such a long time. You'd think during that time I would have had nothing better to do than blog. Anyway, we took the motorcycles for a ride a few weekends ago and explored the greenway on our bicycles another weekend. The one toy we don't seem to use at all is the Wii. And I hate that. We don't have that many games but we have enough to keep us entertained. We just don't use it. But I don't want to get rid of it either. I need to use it. Wii Fit, Just Dance and other games would get me moving. Yet I sit and watch TV.

I also need to take Jack for more walks. I feel sorry for the little guy. He's turning 9 next month and has all the energy of a puppy. And Lord knows I need the exercise, but between working extra hours and trying to get to the Y to use my gym membership and taking care of the house and looking after Bug and trying to spend time with Pmo and finding a moment to read and having to sleep during the day...Jack gets put on the back burner. I don't see how working moms with kids do it.

Okay, that's enough. This is getting too long and I'm starting to ramble. I'll try to write something more thought provoking next time. Like I said, I have ideas. Maybe this will get me back into the swing of things. TTFN.